I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
