At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
