Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
