Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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