u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
