Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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