All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
