you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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