Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
