So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
