if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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