shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize