this boner is exhausting
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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