nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
