Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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