I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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