Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
