I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
