Barsexuality is the new black.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize