You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
