hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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