where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
