She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
