No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I had your ass I would rule the world
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
