You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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