maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
