He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
