It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
