if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Couch. On fire.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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