Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize