He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
