he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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