You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
