I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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