so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
