i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just tell him i said nine months
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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