after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
