Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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