Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
