when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
