i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
