i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
