shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
