i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
