marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the condom got lost in my hair
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
