Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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