My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
