Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
