when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
