I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
