I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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