1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My ass is underappreciated
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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