News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
