my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize