Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
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Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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