too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
