Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
