Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
