you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
