He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
