people are starting to question the shark bite story
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
