im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
