A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
