TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
