I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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