I faked an abortion last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
