just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
