matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
