Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
