ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
