Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
