did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
