Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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