he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize