If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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