she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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