What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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