I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize