I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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