Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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