i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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