Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
