Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
